John Carter of Mars, come save me!

I've been reading a lot of moaning lately about the upcoming John Carter Movie.  Of course, it has nothing to do with the actual movie - you know, because it hasn't been released yet and so we have no idea if it's good or bad.  Here were my first comments (made to me inside my brain, because no one else listens):

For cryin' out loud it's a frickin JOHN CARTER OF MARS MOVIE people.  How many other John Carter of Mars movies have been made that you can turn to if you don't like this one?  The movie hasn't even been released yet! Just a trailer. Wasn't there *anything* in the trailer you liked?

In case you didn't know, I'm speaking of an eleven book series written by Edgar Rice Burroughs in the first half of the 20th century. The series is about a disaffected human living on earth after the war. He longs for the days of adventure. When men where men, and women would fall at their feet.  It's pulpy writing at it's finest and if you can take the old fashioned, backwards attitudes about relations between the sexes, it can actually be pretty fantastically entertaining writing!  Burroughs also created Tarzan, who to this day remains a firmly planted  cultural icon and he created at least 4 other book series including the three book Caspak series that features The Land that Time Forgot.

Learn more about Edgar Rice Burroughs at Wikipedia.

So, as you can see, I am a big fan.  I've only read a few of the Tarzan books - my interest is firmly focused on Barsoom - but I continue to try to collect all of his writings.  The paper books are quite difficult to find. I imagine this is because the first editons are now over one hundred years old, and because they were "pulp" novels, many may never have been published as high quality bound volumes. In fact several of the John Carter novels I have in later, paperback editions have all disintegrated.  Thankfully, a lot of his material is available through the Public Domain via Project Gutenberg.

As a self acknowledged "big fan" I am also biased about this project.  Because I've seen so many other properties get trashy unsympathetic treatments from Hollywood, I do not hold a lot of hope for this movie.  Oh, I have no doubt *I* will thoroughly enjoy it but I am discouraged by the comments I recently read in response to the trailers, over at IGN.com.

For your own sake, let's start with watching the actual trailers without the ignorant comments.  You can find them both over at the IMDB - John Carter - Trailer 1, John Carter Trailer 2.  Hell, you might even want to download the first book in the series from the Project Gutenberg link above, entitled A Princess of Mars.

Complaint #1 - the lead actor is icky

To quote a comment from IGN:

realdjfakt - "I'm a huge fan of the actors from Friday Night Lights and The Wire..."

I have never seen either of those shows (movies, series?) so I can't judge if any of the actors are going to be a big deal for me.  In many ways I prefer it that way.  I won't have any preconceptions of what might be right or wrong with this movie.

Complain #2 - I don't like the title

I can take it or leave it - the story is the thing for me.  Interestingly enough, director Andrew Stanton has offered an explanation of the title and it could be as classic an example as any, of why Hollywood shouldn't be allowed to make movies.  From the interview at collider.com:

"...the title had already been changed from A Princess of Mars because it was a “truth” that boys wouldn’t go see it if they kept author Edgar Rice Burroughs’ original title. But then, when they changed it to John Carter of Mars, Stanton believed it was also a “truth” that girls wouldn’t see it because apparently girls hate planets."

I can hear girls growling across the universe.  This is the type of marketing induced ass-hattery that seems to run rampant in Hollywood. I agree with some saner comments that the title of the original book, "A Princess of Mars" would outright be the best title for this movie. At least it would directly link the movie to the books upon which it is based.

Director Andrew Stanton says the movie is not entirely faithful to the word-by-word plot of Princess. He says he felt free to take memes from later books, in order to tell a better story.  I have to admit that the sense of fulfilment I get from the John Carter books is largely due to how the world of Barsoom unfolds in later volumes.

In the end he can call it "A Walk in the Tall Grass" for all I care because I think this movie is most likely to draw established fans to the theatre, and not so much new fans.  If you think you want to become a fan, read the books. They *are* the original stories after all.

Complaint #3 - this just looks like a remake of [insert recent crap remake or movie]

The comments are that this movie is a ripoff of Star Wars or (heaven forbid) Avatar, revealing the overall ignorance of humans beings when they gather in herds of more than 2.  Again, I turn to a quotation from the comments at IGN:

david alexande11 - "H P Lovecraft, Ray Bradbury, Arthur C. Clarke and George Lucas have referenced him as a founding influence - you have got to take the guy seriously this is foundational work.  If the film looks like so many other things, that's because the conventions it established are so deeply embedded into the genre, we can't imagine that once upon a time they were novel."

As I mentioned elsewhere, this is a book that over 100 years old and to think that Avatar and Star Wars are *not* derivative is another example of how humans probably shouldn't be allowed to talk, never mind gather in  herds of more than 2.

All and all, I am excited about this new movie (oh, really?) and I'm looking forward to seeing it.  About the only thing that could sink my happy little boat right now would be an announcement that this movie is going to be ruined by being 3D.

Hollywood seems to be bankrupt of good ideas or even new ideas*** and so a movie based on one of my favourite books from way back, that apparently few have ever heard of (no one seems to be able to read for longer than 60 seconds these days) is about as close as I can get to that Christmas thrill I felt as a kid. Hey, isn't that Christmas thing coming up soon?

***bankrupt of new or good ideas

Maybe this should be another post - maybe when I have fully realized my "bankruptcy of Hollywood" rant.

Just last night I saw a trailer for the new movie "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". Yes I hear you - "Oh silly Curmudgeon-at-Large, I saw that movie a couple of years ago, what do you mean "new" movie?"

Well, some knucklehead in Hollywood decided the original movies weren't good enough and was able to convince  some marblehead in Hollywood with deep pockets that they should be remade.

Yes all three "Girl" books have already been turned into movies.  The books are written by Danish author Stieg Larsson and so the original movies are Danish but that shouldn't stop you from seeing them.  Just do what my video store hero told me to do.  When you start the DVD, go into setup and turn on the English sound track.  Yes, Scarlet my dear, that means there is English over-dubbing for the original Danish sound track.

I was skeptical but I have to say whoever did the dubbing did an incredible job.  Within 5 minutes, I was completely accustomed to the dubbing and was able to concentrate on the movie and it's story. Granted the dialogue can be sparse, but in scenes where there are full blown conversations going on, the voice actors in the over-dub are completely synced with with the on-screen actors. It's truly the best lip-sync job I have ever seen and it remains fantastic across all three movies.

I'd like to read the Larsson's books to see how they compare to the movies, but I can say this about the movies - they are riveting and suspenseful and a must see.  You are free to ignore the ass-hat versions now spurting forth from Hollywood.